“For the most wild, yet most homelly narrative which I am about to pen, I neither expect nor solicit beleif.”
from…… Edgar Allan Poe – The Black Cat
I know just how he feels.
I suspect that you won’t beleive this story but I give you my word it is 100% true.
It happened on the M5 last Wednesday when I was driving back from Cornwall. There was my wife , my self and my lurcher “Johnson” We were returning after two weeks staying with my Aunt who lives in a bungalow overlooking the sea.
I was travelling North and coming up to the second services above Bristol.
I decided to pull in and get something to eat as well as give my Lurcher, Johnson, the chance to stretch his legs.
A black car had already parked two bays away from mine and three guys had got out, Thet were standing a few yards away waiting for the last member of their group.
He was a big, strong looking man in black overalls which were full of pocket to hold tools.
He was probably half my age and quite powerful looking.
I didn’t take much notice until, as I was passing him, he commented on Johnson.
He said ” nice dog”
To which I replied “thanks”.
As I turned to walk away he said ” your dog racist ” ?
His english was broken and he spoke with a heavy East European accent.
Despite this I could tell it was a question. Iwas dumbfounded.
What could he mean by asking if my dog was a racist.
In a few seconds all sorts of ideas went through my head.
Was he trying to provoke some sort of trouble?
I rather hoped not as he was bigger than me and about forty years old.
I, on the other hand, am the wrong side of sixtyfive.
All I could manage as a reply was a weak ” pardon”.
he repeated ” your dog him racist ? ”
” er No” I said begining to feel the pressure.
I was wondering where we were going next when one of the three men behind me started laughing. I looked at him as he started to speak to the big guy not me.
“You fool, that is the wrong word” he turned to me and said
” his english is not good, he wants to know if your dog RACES”
Thank god for that/
” no he’s just a pet” I told him and breathed a sigh of releif.
” what you call this sort of dog”? was his next question. To keep it simple I answered ” A Greyhound”.
” Ah yes, I a had one at home, it was” he looked at his mate for help.
“Ah yes racer” he said and walked off into the service station.
If I hadn’t have been there I wouldn’t have believed it.
A Shaggy Dog Story
This one isn’t true but it made me smile and still does when I think about it.
A thief broke into a house by forcing the kitchen door at the back of the property.
He made his way to the lounge by the light of a small pen torch.
The first thing that he came accross was a bureau. He opened the top and strated to rummage through the contents.
Almost immediately a voice Said ” Jesus is wathcing you”.
He stopped and looked around but coulsd see no one.
He waited a minute and when nothing happened he continued searching for something worth stealing.
Once again the voice said ” Jesus is watching you”.
He froze and then started shining his tiny torch around the room.
A few feet away from him he saw a parot in a cage so he walked over to it.
“what did you say”? has asked the bird.
“Jesus is watching you” came the reply.
” Ok Parot what’s your name” the thief asked.
” Noah ” came the reply.
The theif then asked the parot ” what kind of an idiot calls a parot Noah “?
The parot squalked ” the same kind of idiot who calls his Rotweiller Jesus”
Well it made me smile. Bye for now.